the joys of parenting...yea right.

I have an appointment for Brigid on Tuesday and I have to decide what to do with her. I really do believe that something is wrong with her...and I just don't know how to help her! I gave her a bath today, and I wanted to spend some mommy & daughter time with her...I went to dry her hair and she just would NOT stop messing with everything! She pulled her clips out, she played with my toothbrush, she was combing her hair the opposite way that I was trying to brush it...I just feel like she and I are constantly at odds and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wonder if she would even notice if I left...she really seems like she doesn't care about anyone or anything, and I just don't know how to make her care about me. I guess you can't really MAKE someone care about you...even your own children. She used to be my sweet little girl...and ever since we moved into this house, she has just been less and less sweet as the days go by. I love her so much and yet when I look in her eyes...they just seem so cold & empty.

the joys of parenting

so...im pretty sure my daughter hates me...in fact, i'm more sure of this than i am of almost any other thing. she is constantly just mean to me, she pushes me away if I ask her for a hug, she wipes off every kiss I give her, and refuses to tell me she loves me. she ignores everything I say, and just doesn't respond to my attempts to give her affection...i'm at my wits end about this but no one ever seems to take my thoughts on it seriously...i've tried talking to other people and their answer is always the same, "it's just a phase" or "all kids are like that". don't even get me started on what people in "my" family think about it...they completely blow me off and say "oh, she's just like her dad was at that age"...really? I doubt that...of course those people also believe that my husband is completely emotionless, but they still believe that he's 8 years old and hates green vegetables too. maybe its just me...or maybe its just her.

why college sucks

so...I attend the University of Phoenix - Online...its cool, I pretty much enjoy the format (except for the team format) and just to give an overview of how it works...teacher asks question, I post answer people reply to answer. The requirement is that we have to make 2 posts / day, 4 days/ week....easy enough right? Except that NO ONE answers me! I write my reply, but no one ever replies to me...why is that? I'm not stupid, I hold a very respectable 2.9 GPA (mostly due to my not so greatness in the IT program) and I've gotten nothing other than A's in my Psych classes so far, even getting an A- in statistics...and I hate math! Is it because for them, these are just classes whereas for me...its a passion? I feel strongly about the material, I love learning about the brain and how it functions...I love learning about behavior and emotion and PEOPLE! I think for many, college classes are just a means to an end...for me...its my life dream! I will be the first in my immediate family to receive my Bachelors degree...I want to go on to a Masters program, then become a Doctor...its what I've wanted my whole life! These classes, and the knowledge I'll gain along the way are going to help me to understand the human experience...is that why my answers are longer than others? Why my answers, according to my professors, are so intuitive? Because this is what I really want?

stochastic

Stochastic means random. A stochastic process is one whose behavior is non-deterministic. I would say that this word is a fair description of me...most people don't really know anything about me...most people aren't allowed to know anything about me (by my own choice, not some like witness protection or anything like that.) I have a lot of random interests, random things I enjoy doing, my sense of humor can seem offensive to some. My thoughts on a lot of things are different than other people...I'm not trying to say that I'm some "one of a kind" kind of person, but I know that my thoughts, beliefs and interests are fairly different from most other people.

So yea...I've never blogged before, and I really don't even know what you're supposed to blog about...are there rules to this? I guess I'm just going to go with the whole "random" thing...say what ever I'm thinking at the moment...like a very high tech journal.